Does Love Hurt?

Sometimes and it shouldn't. There's been a lot of talk about domestic violence since the incident between Rhianna and Chris Brown. Quite a few people have been very vocal about what Rhianna should or shouldn't do about or with the relationship. And her alleged decision about returning to him has folks up in arms.

This brings up a good question: what do you do if you know someone in an abusive relationship?

I have several suggestions -

1. Listen to the person. When someone who is in an abusive relationship talks to a friend, that friend spends a great deal of time and energy giving out direction and advice. If someone comes to you and begins talking about being abused in their relationship, give that person a chance to talk. Don’t spend time telling the person what they ‘should’ do. They're probably used to being told what to do by the person who is abusing them. Be different. Remember, the person has chosen you to talk to. That speaks volumes about you and your relationship.

2. When the person is finished talking/telling you what they need to say, thank the person for talking to you. Remember, it took guts for the person to do this. People in abusive relationships are often afraid to say anything, fearing what they say will get back to the abuser.

3. When you have listened, and are given the opportunity to say something, you can tell the person something like:

A. 'Being abused is not your fault' - often the person says something in response like, 'yeah, I know', but they may not believe their own words or the person may be thinking 'well, if I didn't say (fill in the blank here) or if I didn't do (fill in the blank here) then I wouldn't be abused'. It is good to remind the person 'you are not responsible for being abused'.

AND

B. 'You deserve to be in a relationship and not be abused'. A statement like this can help reinforce the message that 'you have the right to always be safe'.

4. Ask the person 'how can I help you', or 'what can I do to help'? Rather than assuming you know what the person wants, ask.

5. Give the person the phone number to the local domestic violence program here in Hamilton County that's answered 24 hours a day - 513-381-5610 and the phone number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline phone number - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Counseling is helpful and needed. Being in an abusive relationship effects the person’s self esteem, and how the person sees/views men, relationships, and the world. The person needs to speak with a professional who can help.

And lastly, remember: don't judge the person. That person who's chosen to talk to you needs your support, and they have most likely already put themselves down enough for being in the place they're in.

So be supportive.