Cincinnati Therapy Guy's Anniversary

April 1st marks the 1 year anniversary of opening up my full time private practice – It’s been a fun year!

I had a part time private practice going for about 10 years or so – working a couple of nights a week, or on a Saturday morning. My wife had been talking to me about the work I had been doing, helping people and couples and believed that if I opened an office for a ‘full time’ practice that I could help a lot more folks. She spoke to me about this off and on for about a year before I finally agreed to her idea. She believes in me and what I do – she came up with my practice name, ‘Cincinnati Therapy Guy’; she made bumper stickers with a catchy phrase ‘He’s Hypnotic!’ on them; she convinced me to blog (she wants me to do this more often and I’m working on that), she developed my website and logo of the pocket watch (a connection to the hypnosis work I do). She was instrumental in coming up with my current brochure; she is my biggest fan and I cannot stress the importance of having someone in ‘your corner’ like this – it makes all the difference.

I remember being told by someone last year in March when I announced that I was going to start my practice, ‘this really isn’t a good time to do that sort of thing, because of the economy’ – I heard what that person said, thanked them for that feedback and pushed on ahead. I found an office site (6900 Silverton Avenue) in Silverton, near the Kenwood Towne Center, had business cards made, took my brochures, and hit the town making calls on Doctor’s offices, businesses and any place I could put up a card on a wall. I joined the Greater Cincinnati Regional Chamber of Commerce and have since renewed my membership with them; a very good thing to do.

The first couple months were spent networking; getting my name ‘out there’ in the community (I still need to do this) and making contacts and connections. Talking to people about the work I do, how long I’ve been doing this work, and answering questions.

And as I did this, my anxiety was pretty high. My wife though, she reminded me ‘trust - The Universe will provide’ – a difficult message for me to hear. I had spent my life relying on myself and my own abilities and skills, but I had never done before what I am doing now. And I listened to her, and I did, and I still do, and The Universe provides. But that doesn’t mean I sit on my butt and wait for The Universe to drop people in my lap. My job is to keep my eyes open for opportunities that present themselves and then act on those opportunities. It means presenting topics to organizations, and talking to people.

So the year has been fun. I’ve met a lot of people and look forward to meeting even more folks. My wife likes to tell me that I help people who are ‘stuck’ somewhere in life. I agree with that. I help people get ‘unstuck’ and move forward on their life path.

If you feel stuck, if you’re in pain and you’re not feeling like what you are doing is working or relieving your pain, give me a call – 471-2250 or email me and we’ll talk about what we can do together. I have been doing this for over 30 years because I believe people get unstuck.

Namaste
Dennis Mendleson/The Cincinnati Therapy Guy

Does Love Hurt?

Sometimes and it shouldn't. There's been a lot of talk about domestic violence since the incident between Rhianna and Chris Brown. Quite a few people have been very vocal about what Rhianna should or shouldn't do about or with the relationship. And her alleged decision about returning to him has folks up in arms.

This brings up a good question: what do you do if you know someone in an abusive relationship?

I have several suggestions -

1. Listen to the person. When someone who is in an abusive relationship talks to a friend, that friend spends a great deal of time and energy giving out direction and advice. If someone comes to you and begins talking about being abused in their relationship, give that person a chance to talk. Don’t spend time telling the person what they ‘should’ do. They're probably used to being told what to do by the person who is abusing them. Be different. Remember, the person has chosen you to talk to. That speaks volumes about you and your relationship.

2. When the person is finished talking/telling you what they need to say, thank the person for talking to you. Remember, it took guts for the person to do this. People in abusive relationships are often afraid to say anything, fearing what they say will get back to the abuser.

3. When you have listened, and are given the opportunity to say something, you can tell the person something like:

A. 'Being abused is not your fault' - often the person says something in response like, 'yeah, I know', but they may not believe their own words or the person may be thinking 'well, if I didn't say (fill in the blank here) or if I didn't do (fill in the blank here) then I wouldn't be abused'. It is good to remind the person 'you are not responsible for being abused'.

AND

B. 'You deserve to be in a relationship and not be abused'. A statement like this can help reinforce the message that 'you have the right to always be safe'.

4. Ask the person 'how can I help you', or 'what can I do to help'? Rather than assuming you know what the person wants, ask.

5. Give the person the phone number to the local domestic violence program here in Hamilton County that's answered 24 hours a day - 513-381-5610 and the phone number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline phone number - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Counseling is helpful and needed. Being in an abusive relationship effects the person’s self esteem, and how the person sees/views men, relationships, and the world. The person needs to speak with a professional who can help.

And lastly, remember: don't judge the person. That person who's chosen to talk to you needs your support, and they have most likely already put themselves down enough for being in the place they're in.

So be supportive.

Challenges of Adoption

I recently spent some time with friends after work. We’d not seen each other for several months and it was really good to catch up with what they’re doing. As we were talking one of them brought up the subject of adoption.

I’ve been thinking about the people I’ve worked with regarding adoption. I admire people who foster or adopt children. I also admire the children being adopted. It takes a great deal of love and determination to adopt and be adopted.

I think about how people open their hearts and homes to children and the strength needed when accepting children into their homes. The love it takes to do this is amazing. And love is not only cuddling or holding these children. It involves talking to the child about the rules of the home and what is expected. Clear, simple rules work really well for children going through the adoption process with the family.

Love involves providing consistent structure and discipline to the child – these have usually been lacking in most of the child’s life. Of the families I’ve seen, one of the biggest struggles is for everyone to get used to the rules and consequences, and accepting that the family really does love and care for the child. The child very often rebels against structure. He or she has not had it for most, if not all of his or her life. And if the family has children in the home already, ether their own biological or other adopted children, the newest child coming into the home usually feels out of place and not part of the family. The family includes the child, and eventually the child begins feeling as though he or she is part of the family.

And for the child, it’s a matter of working through feeling rejected by the very people who brought him or her into this world. The hurt and pain associated with that rejection can be too much to bear, and the child can and does make excuses either verbally or in his or her head reasons why they he or she was abandoned and often expectations are that his or her parents are going to come back. This also makes accepting love very difficult for the child. He or she feels, on some level, that by accepting the family’s love they are giving up on their biological parents. Unruly behaviors can sometimes be associated with this conflict they feel. The younger the child is, the greater difficulty they have understanding and working through these thoughts and feelings.

In spite of these difficulties, I have seen the adoption process work really well. I’ve watched families work through these and other issues and develop strong loving relationships that last. It takes patience, understanding and lots of love.