Support Systems

Recently I read where a man killed his wife, their children and then himself. Both he and his wife had lost their jobs.

I don’t think we need any clearer sign our economic meltdown has reached a crisis state.

A difficult thing, losing your job. Much of our identities are tied up in work. We talk about what we do for a living when making small talk; one of the first things we ask when meeting someone is ‘what do you do for a living’?

My wife and I each have had our positions at work eliminated, and lost our jobs. When it happened we each said, ‘this isn’t fair’ and ‘I did everything right, everything they asked of me’, and ‘this shouldn’t happen to me’. I know that my wife and I each grieved our loss; I was really pissed off, and my wife cried. But what I know is that when it happened to me she was there to help me back to my feet, dust me off, and set me on my way again. And I believe she felt the same support from me when it happened to her.

It is that thing; having at least one person in life that is supportive to you, who is in your corner. It may be a family member, it may be a friend, but it is someone (or more than one person) who says ‘c’mon, let me help you back to your feet – you can do this’.

This person (or these people) love you. Period. They know you are not perfect. They see your warts, and they call you on your shit. They support you and they are your cheerleading section when you need one.

Do you have that person or those people in your life? Do you have someone you can allow to see you cry; to see you at your most vulnerable moment?

If you do, then let them know how important they are in your life. Take them to lunch or dinner. Buy them and ‘Thank You’ card and mail it to them, even if you live together. Give them a really nice ‘Valentine’s Day’ card.

If you don’t, you really do. I know that probably doesn’t make sense but my point is, you do have someone in your life, somewhere, right now who can be that person. You have to be ‘open’ to finding that person. And by ‘open’ I mean willing to begin talking with someone, talk about you, listen to the other person, develop a relationship, and then a friendship. It starts there, and then grows.

It doesn’t happen overnight. And not everyone is willing to be that kind of person in your life. But don’t give up. Don’t stop looking.

If you’re not sure how to do this, then find a counselor who can help you learn.