Can't Get No...

Sex – one of the most sensitive issues people deal with – either individually or as a couple.

One of the more common problems I’ve seen has been E.D., or erectile dysfunction. I have worked with guys individually and couples regarding this problem. While the advent of the ‘little blue pill’ has decreased the number of people coming to me with this problem, I still see people with this concern.

While it can be a funny topic and easy to joke about, when it becomes a personal problem it can be embarrassing and isolating. Typically the guy isn’t talking to anyone about this, and let’s face it: this is not something we guys usually sit down over a beer and say to our friends, ‘I can’t get an erection’.

And I’ve found that talking to your spouse or partner can be just as difficult. I was seeing a couple who was in a strong relationship but had been having difficulties sexually for several months. He couldn’t get an erection, or, when he did, he could not maintain an erection. They tried everything they could think of to make it better without success. The final straw for them was one evening after yet another failure for them sexually, his wife began sobbing while leaning over the guy’s penis. I try not to picture that.

There are lots of factors that can contribute to this kind or type of problem. The first thing to rule out is any medical problem. I’ll ask if that has been checked out. If not, then I instruct them to do so. A medical problem may be easily resolved. Some common medications can also cause E.D. and men should discuss this frustrating side effect with their doctor.

Another very common problem people have that impacts them sexually is stress. The thing about stress is when you’re experiencing stress, you usually don’t see it or aren’t aware of it. This is especially true if the stress has been going on for a while. Many times I’ve seen this problem resolve itself when the stress or stressors have been identified and either effectively dealt with or resolved.

Another possible concern is this sexual concern may be related to a relationship problem with your partner or wife. This has the potential to be serious; but then, maybe not. I’ve seen problems resolved when couples hold meaningful conversations. There are times when, during a conversation or over the course of several conversations, each becomes aware that there are serious issues that need to be addressed and have manifested into a problem with sex. But addressing these issues in counseling can be very helpful. It can completely revive a seemingly dying relationship.

So, while talking with a stranger about ‘not being able to get it up’ is difficult, knowing that you are working with a professional, someone who has training, experience, sensitivity, and objectivity dealing with this concern can be reassuring. I’d suggest you talk with someone.